简单经典的英文笑话

　　民间笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事类型,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。但是它却一直被学界视为不登大雅之堂的小众,研究工作相对薄弱。阳光网小编分享简单经典的`英文笑话，希望可以帮助大家!

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　简单经典的英文笑话：Quickie Quotes

　　Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

　　Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

　　To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

　　An escalator never breaks . . . it only becomes stairs

　　简单经典的英文笑话：One Hole Behind...

　　A man was golfing. He walked up to a woman standing nearby him and said, "I'm sorry, I can't seem to remember what hole I'm on." And the woman replied, "Well, I'm on hole 6, and you are one hold behind me, so you must be on hole 5." He thanked her and walked away.

　　A few minutes later he approached her. Again he asked the same question, "I can't remember what hole I'm on. Can you tell me?" And again the woman replied, "Well I'm on hole 10, and you're one hole behind me, so you must be on hole 9."

　　That was the last time he spoke to her, and they both finished their games seperately.

　　Later that night the man saw the woman at a bar. He walked up to her and started up a conversation. Making small talk, he asked her what she did for a living. "I don't want to say. You'll laugh," she replied. "Oh, give me a shot. Just tell me who you work for." "Well, ok. But promise not to laugh." (He promised.)

　　"I work for Tampax, you know, the feminine protection company." After she spoke, the man started cracking up. "See? I told you you'd laugh," she said. "No, no," the man said. "It's not that. It's just that I work for Preparation-H, so I'm always one hole behind you!!"

　　简单经典的英文笑话：Saddam Hussein

　　BAGHDAD, IRAQ- April 23, 1997 - Saddam Hussein today announced his pledge to fight terrorism, starting with "the fool who crashed my 286 with junk e-mail spam". The iron fisted leader went on to state that it took nearly five years to scavenge the countryside for stray computer parts "just to get on the net." After months of receiving busy signals from America Off Line, Saddam was finally able to negotiate (handshake) with the AOL server. He then went to download his e-mail, expecting to receive the customary AOL welcome e-mail message. But much to his dismay he was hit hard by Sanford Wallace's spam puking Cyber-Bomber Program.

　　The attack consisted of endless copies of the exact same junk e-mails such as "Get Rich Quick", "Internet Porno Site Adverts", etc., etc.. The attack was so hard & heavy that Saddam's 120 MB hard drive simply crashed within a matter of minutes. Saddam stated that Mr. Wallace has got himself in the same predicament as Salman Rushdie, and will have nowhere to hide.

　　Reaction amongst netizens was generally positive, and in total agreement with Saddam's decree.

　　Sources at the Pentagon stated that Mr. Wallace will most likely be placed in the Wit-less Protection Program (funded by a new tax on all e-mails).

　　Furthermore, Pentagon Officials were so impressed with the capabilities of the Cyber-Bomber Program, that this highly effective technology will now become property of the Department ofDefense. No further details were given in regards to further research and development of junk e-mail spamming as a weapon of mass irritation.

　　Mr. Spamford Wallace was unavailable for comment.

　　简单经典的英文笑话：The Perfect Day According To ...

　　SHE 08.45 Wake up to hugs & kisses 09.00 5 pounds lighter on the scales 09.30 Light breakfast 11.00 Sunbathe 12.00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 01.30 Shopping 02.30 Run into boyfriend's ex, notice she's gained thirty pounds 03.00 Facial, massage and nap 05.30 Talk with mom on the phone for an hour 07.30 Candlelit dinner for two and dancing 10.00 Make love 11.00 Pillow talk in his big strong arms.

　　HE 10.00 Wake up 10.02 Oral Sex 10.45 Big breakfast 11.30 Drive in Ferrari with gorgeous blonde 02.15 Enormous lunch 03.00 Oral Sex 03.30 Play sport with the guys 04.00 Drink beer with the guys 06.00 Meet Claudia Schiffer 06.10 Oral Sex 08.00 Huge dinner, more beer 11.00 Full on, get down, gorilla sex 11.30 Watch late game from the West Coast

　　简单经典的英文笑话：Polish Sausage

　　A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage."

　　The clerk looks at him and says, "You must be Polish"

　　The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something."

　　" If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian?"

　　"Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?"

　　" Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?"

　　"Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"

　　The clerk says, "Well, no."

　　"And If I'd asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

　　" Well, I probably wouldn't."

　　"Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"

　　The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."