趣味英语笑话-趣味汉英语笑话
铲屎的快点放我出去！
趣味英语小笑话精选
Two guys recently dead were given the option to stay either in Heaven or Hell fog the rest of their eternity. They asked if it was OK to look around first, and to their surprise,it was.First, they went to Heaven. All niceguys were there, dressed in white they sat on clouds playing harp. Quite a boring place, thought our heroes.
两个家伙死了之后，被允许选择是愿意呆在天堂还是地狱。他们提出能否到两个地方先观光一下，他们被允许了。首先他们来到了天堂。这里都是穿着白衣服看上去很正派的人，他们坐在白云上弹奏着竖琴。他们想:这是个多无聊的地方呀。
"Let' s go to Hell，”they said to each other.
“让我们下地狱吧，”他们互相商量着。
Hell turned out to be a completely different scene. It was all bars, casino andamusement parks. Free drinks for everyone and a lot of people having a real good time.Back from Hell，the guys were asked to choose between Heaven and Hell. They both chose Hell.
他们来到了地狱，这里简直是一番完全不同的景色。那里有酒吧、赌场和游乐园。每个人都可以免费喝酒，所有的人都享受着他们真正的快乐时光。当他们从地狱回来以后，他们不得不在天堂和地狱之间做出选择。最后，他们都选择了下地狱。
Back in Hell, they were immediately scuffled in the back of a sub-surface car and driven to a coalmine. Someone gave them a shovel each and told them to start working.
回到了地狱之后，他们立即被送进了一辆矿井车的后座，然后驶向了一个煤矿井。有人给他们每人一个铲子，叫他们开始工作。
"What' s this? The last time we were here the place was entirely different.”
“这是怎么回事?上次我们在这里的时候完全不是这样的。”
"Yes, but then you were tourists, now you are immigrants.
“是的，但是那时你们是游客，现在你们是移民。”
趣味英语小笑话阅读
In the army a company of soldiers decided to have some fun with their company cook, a short, fat, very un-martial young man. So every morning before he woke up, one of them would defecate into his boot. The amazing thing was that the cook accepted this treatment silently. Every morning he would clean out his boot and go to work as if nothing was wrong.
军队里的一个连的士兵决定捉弄捉弄他们连的炊事员，一个又矮又胖又弱小的年轻人。就这样，每天早上在他睡醒之前，一个士兵会往他的靴子里大便。令人吃惊的是这个炊事员平静地接受了这种待遇。每天早上他都会弄干净他的靴子然后若无其事地去工作。
After several weeks of this, the soldiers began to tire of the game; it wasn't very much fun because the cook never reacted, and they were beginning to feel guilty as well. So they sent a delegation to apologize to him and promise to mend their ways. The cook heard them out, and then said, "You are going to stop shitting in my boots? Fine, then I will stop pissing in your coffee.”
就这样过了几个星期，士兵们开始厌烦了这种游戏。因为那个炊事员从来没有任何反应，使得这种捉弄根本没那么有意思，也让他们觉得有些内疚。所以，他们派了一个代表去向那个炊事员道歉并保证以后不再那么做了。当那个炊事员听他们说出了真相后说:“你们真的不往我的靴子里大便了?那好吧，那我也不再往你们的咖啡里小便了。”
趣味英语小笑话学习
The woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned，her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and them…”
一个女人离开家两天，到另一个城市去看望一个生病的朋友。当她回来的时候，她的小儿子见到她就说:“妈妈，你猜怎么着?昨天我在你卧室的衣柜里玩，爸爸和隔壁的阿姨走进了卧室，他们脱了衣服上了你的床……”
Sonny’s mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you’ve just told me. " The father came home. As he walked into the house，his wife said，"I' m leaving you. I' m packing now and I' m leaving you.”
妈妈抓住他的手说:“不要讲了，等到你爸爸回家了，你就把和我讲的全部讲给他听。”孩子的爸爸回来了。当他走近房间的时候他的妻子说:“我要离开你。我现在就收拾好行李，我要走了。”
"But why--"asked the startled father.
“但是，这是为什么?”他吃惊地问。
"Go ahead，Sonny. Tell Daddy just what you told me.”
“讲给他听，儿子，把你告诉我的讲给他听听。”
"Well,”Sonny said，"I was playing in your bedroom closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and then they did just what you did with Uncle John when Daddy was away last summer.”
“好吧，”那个小家伙说，“我正在你卧室的衣柜里玩的时候，爸爸和隔壁的阿姨上楼来，然后他们脱了衣服上了床。然后，他们就像是去年夏天爸爸不在家时你和约翰叔叔一样。”
英语笑话大全爆笑50词
近些年,冷笑话作为一种特殊的'幽默方式在互联网、电视节目、书籍杂志上广泛流传。小编精心收集了爆笑50词英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
爆笑50词英语笑话篇1
The Doctor Knows Better
医生懂得多
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standingup by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”
爆笑50词英语笑话篇2
Reached Shore Fast
快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car brokedown. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raisesomeone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked onthe radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State yourlocation." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "Howfast were you going when you reached shore?"
在休伦湖钓完鱼后，我的一个朋友开车拖着他的船回家。路上车坏了。他没带手机，不过，他想，也许他可以通过海事无线广播来请求公路援助。于是，他爬到他的船里面，启动了无线装置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸护卫队警官作出了回应，“报告你的位置”。“I-75号公路，Standish的南面两英里”。沉默了好一会之后，警官问我的朋友，“你的船靠岸时开得有多快?”
爆笑50词英语笑话篇3
St Peter's question
圣彼德的问题
Three men, a doctor, an accountant and a lawyer are dead and they appear in front of StPeter. St Peter tells them that they have to answer one question in order to get to Heaven. Helooks at the doctor and asks, "There was a movie that was made about a ship that sank afterhitting an iceberg, what was its name?" The doctor answers, "The Titanic" and he is sentthrough. He then looks at the accountant and say, "How many people died in that ship?"Fortunately the accountant had just watched the movie and he answers, "1 500!". St Petersends him through and then finally turns to the lawyer and commands, in a very heavy voice, "Name them!".
有三个人死了，分别是一名医生、一名会计和一名律师。他们来到了圣彼德面前。圣彼德对他们说，如果他们想进入天堂，就得每人回答一个问题。圣彼德看着医生开始发问，“以前电影院放过一部电影，说的是一艘船撞击冰山后沉没，电影的名字是什么?” 医生回答，“<<泰坦尼克号>>”，医生随即被允许进入天堂。然后圣彼德看着会计说，“船上有多少人遇难?”。会计很走运，因为他刚看过这部电影，回答道，“1500人遇难。”圣彼德把会计也放进天堂了。最后，圣彼德转过身，看着律师，非常严肃地用命令的口吻问道，“把1500人的名字都说出来?”
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