生活真有趣,处处冷幽默
脑筋急转弯伴随着呈现的答案被理解的瞬间，往往是无尽的笑声和“原来如此”的感慨。下面阳光网小编为大家整理了脑袋急转弯笑话，希望对大家有帮助。
关于大学经典英语笑话：Three tough mice
Three mice are at a bar, having drinks, talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot of booze, says, "Let me tell you how tough I am."
I spot a trap and go for the cheese. When it snaps, I snatch the bar and bench press it 20 or so times and before it can close I'm outa there!" and he tosses down another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "You think that's tough? When I find a pile of d-con, I crush it and snort it like it's cocaine." With that he throws down another shot and slams his shotglass on the bar.
The first two are staring at the third mouse, waiting to see what he has to say for himself.
He fires down a shot of booze, throws down his glass and heads for the door. His buddieslook at each other, then at him and say, "Hey, where are YOU going?"
The third mouse says, "I haven't got time for this shit, I need to get home to screw the cat."
关于大学经典英语笑话：The swearing parrot
There's a guy who owns a parrot that swears like a sailor. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much. The guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him hard and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." He locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At this point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very, very quiet . At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's worried enough to open the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man isastounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did that chicken ever do to you?"
关于大学经典英语笑话：Well endowed
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar with money in it and a horse standing next to it. The bartender told the man to put a dollar in the jar and make the horse laugh. So the man put a dollar into the jar and told the horse something. Suddenly the horse began to laughhysterically. The man took the money and left.
The next day the man walked into the bar and saw the jar of money and the horse standing next to it. This time, the bartender told the man to make the horse cry. the man put a dollar in the jar, walked over to the horse, and the horse began to cry. The man took the money and as he was about to leave when the bartender asked him...
"How did you do that?" the man replied, "On the first day, I told the horse my dick was longer than his, and on the second day, I showed him."
关于大学经典英语笑话：Bear hunting
Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob goes hunting, and shoots a small brown bear. Then, the mother of that small brown bear comes up to him and says, " I'll give you two choices, I'll either kill you, or make love to you, but I won't let you go."
Bob thinks on this, and decides he wants to live, so the mother bear then makes love to him.
The next year, Bob goes hunting again, but this time, he shoots the mother bear that he was forced to make love to the year before. He shoots her, and her mother comes after Bob, and again, gives him the choice. "I will make love to you, or kill you, which will it be??"
Again, Bob makes love to a bear.
The next year, Bob goes once again for revenge, and kills the bear that he was forced to make love to the year before.
This time, her sister comes up to Bob and says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
关于大学经典英语笑话：Cat and the rooster
There was a cat and a rooster wondering by a lake. Both were famished, looking for any food they could find, but to no avail. Later on, the rooster finds himself focusing upon a worm, inching its way nearby. The rooster then proceeds to chase and then pounce on the worm, eating it quickly. Resting after his meal, he rubs his belly in pure satisfaction.
The cat looks at the rooster and thinks to himself,"Well, if he can do it, I can do it." Not long after the rooster eats his worm, the cat spots a mouse scurrying nearby the lake. The cat raises its tail, arches its back, and with all its might, attempts to pounce on the mouse, only to end up in the lake. What is the moral of the story?
Where there is a satisfied cock, there is a wet pussy...
笑话是一种重要的交际手段，可以帮助人们解决与人交往时的。困惑本文是关于简短的英文笑话，希望对大家有帮助!
关于简短的英文笑话：Martian Lovin'
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do." A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member-about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it is still narrow."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. "Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache. . .she kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
关于简短的英文笑话：True Love
A husband and wife went to dinner and celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary. Afterwards they returned home and went to their patio to relax with a glass of wine and to reflect on their fifty years together.
After a while the husband said to his wife: Honey in all the years together, was there ever a time when you were unfaithful to me?
The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one time early in our marriage. Remember when you had lost your job and the bank was going to foreclose on the house. I made a trip to town, saw the banker and we got the loan extended until you returned to work.
The husband thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved our home; I guess I can’t really hold it against you for being unfaithful that one time. Was there ever another time?
The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Oh yes there was one other time. Remember when you had gotten sick and needed an operation or you would die, but we didn’t have any insurance. I made a trip to town, saw the doctor and you got the operation..
The husband thinks for a bit and says: Wow honey, you saved my life; I guess I can’t really hold it against you for being unfaithful that time either. Was there another time?
The wife thinks for a bit and then says: Well there was just one other time. Remember when you were running for club president and you only needed 58 more votes………..
关于简短的英文笑话：A Drunken Night
A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor, opening his eyes he sees Claudia Schiffer on the bed next to him. He thinks this is a little odd, as he doesn't remember a thing, let alone going to bed with her.
He decides to get up and get himself a drink from the fridge. He gets to the fridge and opens the door and is faced with a large suitcase. He takes the suitcase out of the fridge, puts it on the table and opens it to find $1 Million.
This is just a little too much for the guy who thinks he is losing his mind. He wonders if he is hallucinating, so he goes to the window and draws back the blind. Outside on his front lawn is the Klu Klux Klan and dangling from the tree is an open noose, empty. They appear to be beckoning him and shouting.
Now the guy is really freaked out, he quickly draws the blind and turns around.
In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun, obviously drunk as well.
He asks the leprechaun what is going on.
"Well," says the leprechaun, "I was drunk last night as well, and as I was crossing the road, I was nearly run down. You ran across the road and pushed me to safety, so I granted you three wishes in return for saving me."
"Well, I can guess the first one" says the guy, "Supermodel, bed, yeah I got that one. What about the other two?"
"The money in the fridge?" says the leprechaun, "You asked for a cool million."
"And them out there?" asks the guy,
"You said you wanted to be hung like a black man."
笑话是一种艺术方法，用这种方法造成以笑为艺术手段的文学艺术作品。幽默寓于笑话之中，它是笑话的精料，智慧之所在。下面是阳光网小编整理的英语经典笑话，欢迎大家阅读!
英语经典笑话篇一：停止打你老婆
This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness.
“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.
“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have you ceased beating your wife?”
这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。
有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道： “你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”
“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。
“不存在这样的问题!”律师厉声打断他。
“噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：你停止打你老婆了吗?”
英语经典笑话篇二：奇怪的关系
Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的'妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
英语经典笑话篇三：一分钟一百万
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
英语经典笑话篇四：看外国人怎么神吐槽快递慢(双语)
Long lines at the post office are par for the course, but we feel a special kind of rage when a delivery takes too long. Perhaps that's why this hilarious complaint to USPS.com is going viral right now on Reddit. Likening the post office to an ordinary box turtle, user malvoliosf explains how, despite paying $110 for priority shipping, it took eight days for his parcel to travel a distance of 14.8 miles。
在邮局里要排长长的队伍，对此人们已经司空见惯，不过对于快递运输太慢的状况，人们却会由衷的感到愤慨。或许正是因为这样，这封寄给美国邮政局的投诉信自从在红迪网上出现之后，迅速在网上爆红。这位用户名为malvoliosf 的小主将邮局比作一只平凡的箱龟。他解释道，尽管花费了110美元办理了特快空运，他的包裹却用了8天的时间才到达了14.8英里之外的地方。
Zoom in to see the original complaint and read the transcription below。
以下让我们来好好看看这封原始投诉信(附翻译)：
投诉信 I paid $110 for PRIORITY and it took EIGHT DAYS to get my parcel from downtown San Francisco to the San Francisco airport, a distance of 14.8 miles. A turtle could have done that in four days. Seriously, I looked it up. An ordinary box turtle cruises 0.17 mph; it could make it from the Rincon Center post office to the cargo terminal of SFO in 87 hours. The United States Post Service took 179 hours to make the same trip。
我花了110美元办理特快空运业务，结果我的包裹花了8天的时间才从旧金山市中心运到旧金山机场，距离只有14.8英里。一只乌龟只需要4天就能爬完这段距离了。说真的，我查了的。一只普通的箱龟爬行的速度是每小时0.17英里。从林康中心邮局到旧金山码头它87小时就能够爬完了。而美国邮政局的运输飞机花了179个小时才走完了同样距离的行程。
And I had to wait in line at the post office. There is no line at the turtle store. I could have popped in, bought a turtle, strapped the parcel to its shell, and it would have gotten there in less than half the time。
而且我还必须在邮局里排队等候。在宠物店里买乌龟可不用排队等。也许我本应该换个方法，买只乌龟，把包裹绑在它背上，这样它只需要一半的时间到达目的地。
Can I get a refund here? A partial refund? A complimentary box of turtle food? Anything?
我有没有得到退款呢?或者部分退款?一包作为补偿的乌龟饲料?或者任何补偿性的东西?(然并卵!)
英语经典笑话篇五：One real man
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(严格地，严厉地).
Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(劝告，建议) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(胆小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
一个真正的男子汉
古代有一个国王，他想证明他领土内的男人并非像人们传说的那样，受到老婆的管制。他把王国里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告说，哪个男人胆敢不说实话，就会受到严厉的惩罚。
然后，他叫所有听从妻子的命令和意见的男人都走向大厅的左侧。所有的男人都站到了左侧，只有一个小个子男人站到了右侧。
国王说：看到我们国家里还有一个真正的男子汉，真是令人高兴。告诉这些胆小的笨蛋，为什么在他们当中只有你一个人站在大厅的右侧。
陛下，那人尖声地回答：因为在我出门之前，我老婆告诉我不要扎堆。
冷笑话不同于一般的笑话，以其独特的制笑机制，能瞬间制造出一种特殊氛围。小编精心收集了简短又好笑的英文笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
简短又好笑的英文笑话篇1
Play Now Pay Later
先享受后付款
Jack the playboy had explored every corner of the world and dallied with many women,
花花公子杰克喜欢到世界各地探险，和许多妓女风流，
but in Hong Kong he finally encountered a professional girl who left him with far more thanfond memories.
但在香港，他终于遇到一名职业神女，这名神女留给他的不止是温柔的回忆而已。
First, he consulted a British doctor.
首先他请教了一名英国医生。
"Good Lord!" exclaimed the medic,
“我的天啊!”医生叫道，
"you've got more venereal diseases than a medical textbook. I'm afraid we' re going to have toamputate. "
“你所患的性病比一本医学教科书还要丰富，恐怕我们必须把你的东西切除掉。”
Horrified, the playboy sought out an American specialist, who shook his head gravely and said,
花花公子心生恐惧，便找了一位美国专科医师帮忙，但那名专科医师表情凝重地摇头说：
"Sorry, son; if we don't amputate your member, the disease will spread to your other organs. "
“对不起，小兄弟，如果我们不切除那活儿，病毒将会感染到其他器官。”
Desperately, the swinger consulted a Chinese herbalist.
那名风流公子走投无路，便向一位中医请教。
The wise old man examined the patient carefully and nodded his head sagely.
这位充满智慧的老先生仔细检查病人后煞有介事地点头说道：
"I know your problem," he said. "You play with bad girl, she very sick, now you very sick. "
“我知道你的问题。你和坏女人乱搞，她的性病很严重，你现在的病情也很严重。
“Doctor, the British and American doctors told me my pride and joy would have to be cut off... "
“大夫，英国和美国的医生都说我的东西必须要切除……”
"These Western doctors, all they want to do is cut, cut, cut, and charge big money. "
“这些西医所做的就是切，切，切，然后收一大笔钱。”
"You mean I don't need surgery? ! " exclaimed the young man joyously.
“你意思是我可以不用动外科手术?!”年轻人喜出望外地问道。
"Don't you worry, " said the ancient practitioner.
“别担心，”老中医师说：
"You go home, relax, wait two, three weeks, pecker fall off by himself."
“回家去，好好休息一阵，等二三个星期后，那活儿会自己掉下来。”
简短又好笑的英文笑话篇2
At Least You Get a Choice
至少你有所选择
A newly deceased sinner had just entered hell, and was being shown around.
一名罪人去世后，刚下地狱就被带往各处走走。
"I'll tell you how it works around here," declared a particularly hideous devil. "You get yourchoice of three punishments. Here's the first. "
“我将告诉你这里的状况，”一位面目可憎的魔鬼宣布道。“你必须在三种刑罚中选一个，这是第一种。”
The sinner watched in horror as he saw men and women repeatedly being immersed in boilingwater.
罪人看见男男女女反复地被浸入沸腾的热水中，吓得目瞪口呆。
"Here's the second. " The poor sinner shuddered as he saw unfortunate people beingcontinually hounded by ferocious beasts and cruel demons.
“再看第二种。”可怜的罪人看到一些不幸的人被凶恶的野兽和残酷的妖怪不停地追赶，吓得直打哆嗦。
“And here's the third. ” A group was standing knee deep in shit and sipping tea.
“这是第三种。”一群人站在深及膝部的粪池中喝茶。
"Well,this seems all right," said the sinner."I'll take this one."And he joined the group.
“这个看来还可以，我就选这个。”罪人说着便加入了那群犯人。
No sooner had he done so than another devil yelled out："OK, tea time's over. Get back onyour heads. "
就在他加入不久，一个魔鬼大声喊道：“午茶时间结束，回到头下脚上倒立的姿势。”
简短又好笑的英文笑话篇3
Down on the Farm
农场趣谈
The farmer was painting the inside of his outhouse,
一位农夫正在漆他茅房内的墙壁，
when he slipped on the seat and fell into the hole beneath.
一不小心由所坐的椅子上滑了一跤，跌落到下面的茅坑内。
"Fire! Fire! Fire!" he yelled.
“失火了!失火了!失火了!”他叫道。
Shortly, the fire department arrived and one of the firemen leaned down and asked the farmer,
不久消防队赶来了，一位消防人员弯下身来问：
"Where's the fire?"
“哪里失火了呢?”
"There ain't no fire," said the farmer,
“事实上并未失火，”农夫说，
"but would you have come if I'd yelled "Shit! Shit! Shit ! ? "
“但若是我喊“大便喔!大便喔!你们会赶来吗?”
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